Roseanne Barr won her case against ABC.

A Los Angeles jury awarded Roseanne Barr $208 million and handed her the keys to the show it said ABC stole from her, “The Conners.” According to her manager, Art Tubolls, it looks like she’s just gonna scrap the whole thing.

“Roseanne certainly doesn’t want to do a ‘return from the dead’ type scenario, and she doesn’t want to produce the show as it is, so her plan is to stick it to the libs and cancel it.”

The show’s current cast said the news came as a shock. “We take comfort knowing she has enough money to disappear happily,” said John Goodman, “and we’re also grateful for five seasons of free cash on ABC.”

Goodman says besides the show’s main character, Sarah Gilbert, and fellow lesbian Laurie Metcalf, the rest are more than happy to be done selling their souls for wokeness. “I can finally get back to what I love: ballet,” said Lecy Gorensen, “It’s been such a bore playing a normal person.”

No matter what Roseanne decides to do, she wins. She took the network for a pile of cash and nobody will be raking in any cash from her ideas unless she says so.

Thats how the good ol’ US of A works, patriots. God Bless America.

Uplifting Today produces news satire and parody for global publication. Some of the content contained within this website and on accompanying social media accounts, however similar to real events, is fictitious and will also include this disclaimer. Any real, semi-real or similar names, places, people, products, services and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictional. The articles contained herein are to be considered satire, parody, surrealism, and humor. Any resemblance to actual persons, businesses, or events is entirely coincidental. Images on Uplifting Today site may consist of original photos, stock photography, and creative commons photos. We have done our best to attribute the creators of such photos based on the information available to us. Use of these works does not suggest that the respective authors endorse us or our use of the images.

Recommended
Join the Discussion

COMMENTS POLICY: We have no tolerance for messages of violence, racism, vulgarity, obscenity or other such discourteous behavior. Thank you for contributing to a respectful and useful online dialogue.

Subscribe
Notify of
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
More Stuff