Jay DeMarcus and his bandmates Rascal Flatt have millions of fans all over the world, and these fans are now getting to see a whole new side of Jay in his new memoir “Shotgun Angels: My Story of Broken Roads and Unshakeable Hope.”

In one of the most emotional portions of the book, Jay recounts how when he was in his early 20s, his girlfriend of one month named Maggie got pregnant after they slept together just one time. The couple then made the agonizing decision to put their baby girl up for adoption, even though Jay wanted to be in her life.

“We’d had sex one time, but I knew it. I knew she was pregnant,” Jay wrote, adding that he was terrified of what having a child would do to his career as a musician, as he was in the Christian band East To West at the time.

“It became evident that Maggie wanted nothing to do with me,” he said. “There was no interest in the two of us somehow working things out so we might raise our child together.”

Though Jay’s mother offered to adopt the baby, he and Maggie decided to move forward with an outside adoption. He also said that as soon as word of his pregnancy got out, he lost all his connections in the Christian music world, and it marked the end of East To West.

“I understand, I guess, but it does seem that many Christians all too often kills their wounded instead of taking time to be there to help pick someone up,” Jay wrote.

To this day, Jay still regrets that he never even got to meet his baby girl.

“From the very beginning, I wanted to be in [my baby’s] life,” he wrote. “But her mother, Maggie, didn’t want either one of us in her life. That was a hard pill to swallow. I understand that sometimes life sends us reeling because of unexpected situations. But my heart in that moment, though scared, still desired to be in this beautiful child’s life.”

Jay concluded by saying that he thinks about his daughter, who would now be in her 20s, every single day.

“My heart finds satisfaction in knowing that she ended up with a wonderful family, but I’ve had to live with this my entire life,” Jay said. “The adoptive family was supposed to give her a letter when she turned 14, explaining that I loved her, did not abandon her, and have tried several ways to make it possible to be in her life.”

Jay has since gone on to marry Allison Alderson, a former Miss Tennessee and CMT personality, with whom he shares daughter, Madeline, 8, and son, Dylan, 6.

If you want to find out more about Jay’s personal life and journey, be sure to check out his new book!