Figuring out how to do your daughter’s hair is difficult for any mother, but it is especially hard when your daughter is a different race than you are.

African American women are faced with unique challenges when it comes to doing their hair. As a white woman who grew up with straight blonde hair, Stephanie Holland was at a loss when it came to doing the hair of her adopted daughter Haley, who is African American.

Stephanie adopted Haley when she was 8 months-old, and now that the little girl is two, her hair has started to grow out. As soon as Haley’s hair began to grow, Stephanie knew that she was going to need help.

“When we adopted Haley, many of our black friends pulled me aside and shared with me the importance of educating myself on African-American hair care,” Stephanie said. “Since then, I have consulted with salons, watched YouTube videos, and taken notes on everything my friends shared. There has never been a product that was recommended to me that I didn’t immediately go out and buy.”

Stephanie was disturbed one day when Haley’s daycare sent her a photo of the little girl in which her hair was a mess. Even though Stephanie had sent her to daycare that day with freshly washed hair, it was disheveled hours later, making the mother feel like a failure.

Desperate, Stephanie took to social media to ask for help. Here’s what she wrote:

Dear Black Friends of Social Media,

This clueless white momma is humbly coming to you to ask your help with Haley’s hair. I have asked my friends. I have asked strangers in Publix with kids with cute hair, and I’m still not getting it. We wash once a week. We do the water, leave in conditioner, oil, and hot towel every morning. We’ve tried more products, no products, less products. We are gentle as can be, but she still requires at least 6 minutes of cuddles after the trauma of her daily hair combing. I feel like it looks great for about an hour or two and then it is tangly and clumpy again. This picture is 3 hours into the day. What am I doing wrong? I have literally bought every product that has been recommended to us. I desperately want to get this right!

Stephanie was stunned when her post went viral, and one woman who she had never met before came upon the post and sent her a list of suggestions.

Monica Hunter is a mother of three girls from Georgia, and her daughters have the same hair as Haley. Monica ended up coming to Stephanie’s house to give her a tutorial on how to do Haley’s hair!

“She came to my home with a basket full of supplies, hair products, combs and headbands,” Stephanie recounted. “She gave us her time, and advice. She asked for nothing in return and wouldn’t accept my money. By the time she left I had a little more confidence in fixing my daughter’s hair, and most importantly, I felt supported by my new friend.”

It didn’t take long for Stephanie and Monica to bond over more than just hair.

“Monica and I chatted about hair, marriage, friendship, parenting, education, and race issues,” Stephanie said. “That day, I got so much more than advice and confidence in fixing my daughter’s hair. I made a new friend. I know for a fact that we will continue our relationship past this point. We are already making plans to invite our husbands and children to our next get-together.”

At first, Stephanie was confused about why her story was getting so much attention. Then, after some self-reflection, she realized why it generated so much interest.

Then, it clicked. It is newsworthy, because this is so uncommon. So inspirational. In our country, where everything seems so divisive, this quiet act of kindness spoke loudly to people from all walks of life. People are hesitant to reach out to someone who may be different. Conversations are too difficult.

In these tricky times, it’s hard to know what to say. How to respond. People seem so easily offended, so we stop trying to understand each other. We cling to those who think like us. Those who share our beliefs. Those in our same political party. Those who look like us. In the process, we close the others out.

As for Monica, she was all too happy to help.

“You all have no clue, that little girl Haley — and Stephanie — blessed me more than I blessed them,” Monica said. “I think this opened up an opportunity to create positivity for everybody.”