A politician passes away and ends up at the gates of Heaven. St. Peter looks at him before opening his book and finding his name.

“So, you’re a politician…” St. Peter said.

“Well, yes, is that a problem?” the politician replied.

“Oh no, no problem,” St. Peter said to him. “But we’ve recently adopted a new system for people in your line of work, and unfortunately you will have to spend a day in Hell. After that however, you’re free to choose where you want to spend eternity!”

“Wait, I have to spend a day in Hell?!” the politician said incredulously.

“Those are the rules,” St. Peter responded. He then snapped his fingers, and the politician disappeared! When the politician came to, he was curled up with his hands over his eyes, knowing he’s in Hell. He was stunned to find that there was no fire and brimstone, and instead there was just the sweet smell of fabric softener and cut grass!

“Open your eyes!” said a voice. “C’mon, wakey wakey, we’ve only got 24 hours!”

Opening his eyes, the politician saw he was in a luxurious hotel room. Standing across from him was a man in a suit who was holding a martini.

“Who are you??” the politician asked.

“Well, I’m Satan!” said the man, handing him the drink. “Welcome to Hell!”

“Wait, this is Hell? But… Where’s all the pain and suffering?” the politician asked.

“Oh, we’ve been a bit misrepresented over the years, it’s a long story,” Satan said with a wink. “Anyway, this is your room! The minibar is of course free, as is the room service, there’s extra towels next to the hot-tub, and if you need anything, just call reception. But enough of this! It’s a beautiful day, and if you’d care to look outside…”

When they walked into the lobby, everyone there excitedly welcomed the politician. Satan walked him outside to a golf course, where he saw all of his old friends gathered to greet him. His wife then ran over, and the politician was stunned to see that she had the body that she had when she was 20! The politician spent the day having the time of his life with his wife and friends.

When the day ended, the politician had a lovely meal at the hotel. He then returned to his suite with his wife, and they spent the rest of the night making love like they did on their honeymoon. The next day, he was woken up by St. Peter.

“So, that was Hell. Wasn’t what you were expecting, I bet?” he asked.

“No sir!” said the politician.

“So then,” said St Peter. “You can make your choice. It’s Hell, which you saw, or Heaven, which has choral singing, talking to God, white robes, and so on.”

“Well… I know this sounds strange, but on balance, I think I’d prefer Hell,” said the politician.

“Not a problem, we totally understand! Enjoy!” said St Peter as he snapped his fingers again.

The politician awoke to the stench of ammonia filling the air with distant screams the only noise. The only light was coming from far away flames, illuminating the ragged remains of people being tortured or burning in a sulphurous ocean. Satan suddenly appeared next to him in his suit, holding a soldering iron in one hand and a coil of razor-wire in the other.

“What’s this??” the politician cried. “Where’s the hotel?? Where’s my wife??? Where’s the minibar, the golf-courses, the pool, the restaurant, the free drinks and the sunshine???”

“Ah”, said Satan. “You see, yesterday, we were campaigning. But today, you voted.”